we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
