I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
