we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
