you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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