Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
