There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My penis needs a shock collar
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
