ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
