You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
