I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
