I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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