The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
