if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
