i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize