You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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