I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
