She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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