I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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