I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
