I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
birth control should be required to get into college
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
