i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
