i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
