my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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