The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
