Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
