I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
