So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
