just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
