i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
