I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
