Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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