ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
