Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
