i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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