I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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