it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
