I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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