Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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