i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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