Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
