I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
