i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
