Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
