If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
