I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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