ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
