Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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