I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think your dad took our porno
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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