someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
