Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
