Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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