Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
