No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize