turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
