If i could tip my vagina, i would.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
