just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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