So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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