Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
