im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
