She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
