How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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