Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
