what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
