Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
