I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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