remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
