so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She bit a glass in half.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
