Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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