I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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