I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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