so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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